I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
pray to the hookup gods
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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