"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
