I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
