there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
