Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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