so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
