It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
