So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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