Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
