Im at strip club and am horny
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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