I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
they need to just BURY HIM!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
