i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
