Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
