so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
