I looked at my own cervix.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
