the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
