WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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