Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
