So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
