I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Someone came in the potted fern
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't put those talents on a resume
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
