her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
