it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I had to cum in my sink.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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