around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
