why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
