He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
