Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
