the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
