He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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