I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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