He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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