There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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