Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
