Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Houston, we have a blender
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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