I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
