A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
