God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
