I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Couch. On fire.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
