Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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