Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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