He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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