Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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