He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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