im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
