You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The air was thick with penises
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Who died my cat blue again?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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