suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
