Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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