it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
