I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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