She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
