its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
