i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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